On that day, my husband P. brought the topic of our relationship to the group. He said that he was not satisfied with me nor with our sex. Actually for two years we have been working to solve this problem, but with little success. Instead of looking directly at this individual topic, we separated men and women to discuss “ Why do we have sex? ”. In the group I found that I sometimes did it because I didn’t want to lose him.
After this session, I went for a walk and felt strong fear and cried a lot. I was really afraid of loosing him. I wanted to find out what I should do and asked A. for help to figure it out. His advise was an eye-opener to me. He said, “Forget about the relationship.” and “As long as you have fear of loosing him, it doesn’t work.” It’s true! A. and I also found out how much I have expected P. to protect me from all the fear which I have in my life. I decided to see what exactly my fears are and to move them away from P. By doing so, I thought that a space for him would naturally open up. On the other hand, P. also found a solution after the men’s group and from a word by A. We decided to do each thing and finally could build strong trust between us.
The next morning I did body work alone with a question: “what is my biggest fear? ” First, my brain was too busy and I couldn’t stop my thinking. But when I stopped it and focused on my body deeply, I got a feeling that one part of my leg opened. From there energy and emotions sprung up one after another. Then I became angry with my parents who had hindered my independence. I thought „That’s why I’m afraid of standing up for myself!“ In the end, energy run through me from toe to the top of my head and I felt like “I am full of anger! ”. That day, I looked at this subject and my body trembled frequently. Interestingly, that evening I had an opposite emotion to my parents. When we had a group talk about love, I shared my experience when I felt love from my parents. I knew how much they loved me. It was a calm moment after the big anger.
The last day was also impressive. During the morning body work, another emotional release happened in me and I felt a perfect peace and wholeness. I was in a very safe place surrounded by people whom I can trust, cows eating grass without worrying about humans, bees and an airplane in the blue sky. I felt all the beauty and thought that I wanted to make such an environment for my daughter.
The evening aperitif also gave me a big experience. I talked and laughed a lot as if I were with my best friends in my home country. Since I came to Switzerland for my marriage, or even before that, I have missed liveliness in my life. But this night I felt that. I got it back!
Additionally during this aperitif and late night in the bed, I felt strong lust which I haven’t felt for a long time. I was so happy about that!
Something has opened up since I had the experience of connecting with the body and running energy through the body.
Not only bodily and emotional things happened, I could also develop my consciousness. During and after this retreat I could see clearer and faster than before what is happening in a situation. I started to see the world differently and to feel my days more intensely.